Category Archives: SMILE, LAUGH & ENJOY DAY


I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward
looked into the cart and asked sweetly, “So which six items would you like to buy?”
(Wouldn’t it be great if that happened more often?)
—————————— ——————————
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table.
” Young man, we’re both 90 years old,” the husband said.
“We may not have 45 minutes.”
They were seated immediately.
—————————— ————————
The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would “hate”
to have to make a living under the laws they have just passed.
—————————— ————————
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of
laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage,
the bride gave him back his credit card.
—————————— —-
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get
used to the idea.
—————————— ————————
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, “When you’re in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?” Artie said, “I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband,
a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.” Eugene commented,
“I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people’s lives..”  Al said, “I’d like them to say, ‘Look, he’s moving!'”
—————————— ——————————
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord. “God, what does a million years mean to you?
” The Lord replies, “A minute.” Smith asks,
“And what does a million dollars mean to you?
” The Lord replies, “A penny.” Smith asks, “Can I have a penny?
” The Lord replies, “In a minute.”
—————————— ——————-
A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?”” Relax,” says the Doctor, “take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?”
—————————— ——————-
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully,
“Give me one last request, dear,
” he said.”Of course, John,” his wife said softly.
“Six months after I die,” John said,
“I want you to marry Bob.”
“But I thought you hated Bob,” she said..
With his last breath John said, “I do!”
—————————— ——–
A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”The man replied, “My wife is going to poison me.”The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s going to poison me. What should I do?
“The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what.
Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.
“A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says,
“I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
“The man said, “Yes” and the Rabbi replied,
“Take the poison.”

cynical but humorous statements

EDUCATION, FUN & ILLUSIONS, SMILE, LAUGH & ENJOY DAY

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

A recent study has found that woman who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.

If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.  I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.”  If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today.  I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me.  I had no idea I was Japanese.

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!


The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

precious words of wisdom

BEAUTIFUL WORLD, EDUCATION, FROM THE PAST, INSPIRATIONAL, OUR LIVING, SMILE, LAUGH & ENJOY DAY

FROM ONE FRIEND TO ANOTHER

Written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words. Rooney has passed away but used to be on CBS’s 60 Minutes TV show.

I’ve learned….That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person

I’ve learned….That when you’re in love, it shows

I’ve learned ….That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day

I’ve learned….That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world

I’ve learned…That being kind is more important than being right

I’ve learned….That you should never say no to a gift from a child

I’ve learned….That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to helphim in any other way

I’ve learned….That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs afriend to act goofy with

I’ve learned….That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart tounderstand

I’ve learned….That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when Iwas a child did wonders for me as an adult

I’ve learned….That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, thefaster it goes

I’ve learned….That money doesn’t buy class

I’ve learned…That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular

I’ve learned…That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved

I’ve learned….That to ignore the facts does not change the facts

I’ve learned….That when you plan to get even with someone,     you are only letting that person continue to hurt you

I’ve learned….That love, not time, heals all wounds

I’ve learned….That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am

I’ve learned….That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile

I’ve learned….That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them

I’ve learned….That life is tough, but I’m tougher

I’ve learned….That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I’ve learned….That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere

I’ve learned….That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time beforeshe passed away

I’ve learned….That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he mayhave to eat them

I’ve learned….That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks

I’ve learned….That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his littlefist, you’re hooked for life

I’ve learned….That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happinessand growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve learned…. That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get don

It’s National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care.

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!

SIX LITTLE STORIES

BEAUTIFUL WORLD, EDUCATION, INSPIRATIONAL, INTERESTING facts, OUR LIVING, SMILE, LAUGH & ENJOY DAY

{1} Once all villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all the people gathered, But only one boy came with an umbrella. That’s FAITH.

{2} When you throw babies in the air,They laugh because they know you will catch them. That’s TRUST

{3} Every night we go to bed without any assurance of being alive the next morning, But still we set the alarms to wake up. That’s HOPE.

{4} We plan big things for tomorrow In spite of zero knowledge of the future. That’s CONFIDENCE.

{5} We see the world suffering, But still we get married and have children. That’s LOVE.

{6} On an old man’s shirt was written a sentence :”I am not 80 years old; I am sweet 16 with 64 years of experience” That’s ATTITUDE.

Have a happy day and live your life like the six stories. When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it’s like a mini-vacation.

“GOOD FRIENDS ARE THE RARE JEWELS OF LIFE… DIFFICULT TO FIND AND IMPOSSIBLE TO REPLACE

www.garbowski.net

Cat Shrubs

ANIMALS, BEAUTIFUL WORLD, FUN & ILLUSIONS, INSPIRATIONAL, INTERESTING facts, LIFE TIPS, NATURE, OUR LIVING, SCULPTURES, SMILE, LAUGH & ENJOY DAY, TRADITIONS - CULTURES, UNUSUAL PHOTOS

Cat-shrubs in English parks. The English surrealist painter Richard Saunders uses thick shrubs and trees to create his enormous cats! Once he saw trees cut in the shape of clouds on a picture and got the idea to turn shrubs into sculptures of cats. The prototype that served him is his cat Tolly, deceased, the Russian Blue. 

We can see these cats in many corners of England, and are much appreciated by the population. 

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?

♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

♦ I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

♦ I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “ Sag Harbor .”

♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today.  I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

♦The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

♦ I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

For those who need to know everything

BEAUTIFUL WORLD, EDUCATION, GAMES, INSPIRATIONAL, LIFE TIPS, SMILE, LAUGH & ENJOY DAY, TRICKS


The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood Plasma.
******************************
 No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Oh , go ahead …  I’ll wait.

******************************  
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks.
 (So, watch your Ass)

******************************
 You burn more calories sleeping! than you do watching television.
 
 ******************************  
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.
 
 ******************************
The King of Hearts is the only King WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
 
******************************
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1)  olive from each salad served in first-class.
 ***************************** *
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you? That women are going in the ‘right’ direction…!
 ******************************
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning

 ***************************** *
Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

 ******************************
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first ‘Marlboro Man’.
******************************
Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!

*****************************
PEARLS DISSOLVE IN VINEGAR!
 
 ******************************
The ten most valuable brand names on earth:  Apple, Coca Cola, Google, IBM, Microsoft, GE, McDonalds, Samsung, Intel and Toyota , in that order.
*****************************
 It IS possible to lead a cow upstairs…  but, NOT downstairs.
*****************************

A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

 ***************************** *

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least Six  (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
 ******************************
A nice, calm, and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said:
 “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
 The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
 The lady replied: “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big  and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. Absolutely not! You CANNOT  have any cyanide!”  
 The lady reached into her purse  and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the  pharmacist’s wife.
 The pharmacist looked at the  picture and said:

  “You didn’t tell me you  had a prescription.”

Ponder these

interesting

– Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned

– What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

– If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

– Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C?

– Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?

– Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

– Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

– The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims”.

– Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

– 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

– Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

– The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.

– If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When”, you get the answer to each of them.

– Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.

– If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

· If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we’ll just call it “2’s Day”.  (It does fall on a Tuesday)

– 100 years ago a Twenty Dollar bill and a Twenty Dollar gold piece were interchangeable. Either one would buy a new suit, new shoes and a night on the town. The Twenty Dollar gold piece will still do that.

garbowski.net

enjoy and smile-Jokes

 

Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in your life?”

The woman replied, “My husband’s check book!!”

        ******

    A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called

        ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’”

        Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”

        ******

Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – darling, honey, luv.  What’s the secret?”  Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.”

        ******

 Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription …

 Simply showing marriage certificate and wife’s picture is not enough !

        ******

        For MEN…..and WOMEN with a bit of humour ??        A man was granted two wishes by God. He asked for the best drink & the  best woman ever.  

Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.

        ******

        There are 3 kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make

        wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.

        Rest get married and wonder what happened!

        ******

        Wives are magicians. They can change anything into an argument.

        ******

        Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, compared to men?

        A very INTELLIGENT student replied: “Because Women don’t have a

        wife!”   (Note from Harlan: But now days many of them do have a wife.)

        ******

  COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE: Dear Mother-in-law, Don’t teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of your’s and he needs a lot of improvement!?

*****

When a married man says, I WILL THINK ABOUT IT – what he really means is

that he doesn’t know his wife’s opinion yet.

        ******

  A lady says to her doctor: “My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep!

What should I give him to cure it?”

The doctor replies: “Give him an opportunity to speak when he’s  awake! “

************

haha

garbowski.net

your Brain-TEST

 

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.

As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert.

If you don’t use it, you will lose it !!!

 

Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test.

Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.

 

Take this test to determine if you’re losing it or not.

 

The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve answered.

 

OK, RELAX, clear your mind and begin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

#1. What do you put in a toaster ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: ‘bread.’ If you said ‘toast’, just give up now and go do something else.

 

And, try not to hurt yourself.   If you said, bread, go to Question #2.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

# 2. Say ‘silk’ ten times. Now spell ‘silk.’ What do cows drink ?

 

I can hit the golf ball any way I can ….. and laugh if it goes into the lake.

Them’s the breaks.  I’m just happy I can still hit that golf ball.

I am sharring this because  it is so well reflecting the truth written.

As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon;  before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose  business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 & 70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a  bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I  choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers,  or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But, broken hearts are what gives us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think.  I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free.

I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.  And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like  it)!

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S  STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART! 

enjoy your day!    garbowski.net

The Bridge-laugh today

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, ‘because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.’
The biker pulled over and said, ‘Build a bridge to Hawaii  so I can ride over anytime I want.’
God replied, ‘Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!  I can do it, 
but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.  

Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.’

The biker thought about it for a longtime.  Finally, he said, ‘God, I wish that I , and all men,  could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.’

God replied: ‘You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

garbowski.net

 

Nice Car

The proud owner of a magnificent 1956 Chevrolet convertible, wrote to say he had restored the car to perfection over the last few years, and sent this:

On a very warm summer afternoon he decided to take his car to town.  It needed gas, as the gauge was practically on empty, but he wanted ice cream, so he headed first to his favorite ice cream shop.

He had trouble finding a parking space and had to park the car down a side street.

He noticed a group of young guys standing around smoking cigarettes and eyeing the car rather covetously.  He was a bit uneasy leaving it there, but people often take interest in such an old and well-preserved car, so he went off to enjoy his ice cream.

The line at the ice cream shop was long and it took him quite a while to return to his car.  When he did, his worst fears were realized… his car was gone.

He called the police and reported the theft. 

About ten minutes later the police called him to say they had found the car abandoned near a gas station a few miles out of town.

It was unharmed and he was relieved.  It seems just before he called, the police had received a call from a young woman who was an employee at a self-service gas station.  She told them that three young men had driven in with this beautiful old convertible.  One of them came to the window and prepaid for 20 dollars worth of gas. 

Then all three of them walked around the car.  Then they all got in the car and drove off, without filling the tank.

 

The question is, why would anybody steal a car, pay for gas that they never pumped and then abandon the car later and walk away?

NO FAIR PEEKING ! !

IF YOU GIVE UP—-

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garbowski.net

 

 

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic.

 

This is a strictly …..  mathematical viewpoint… and it goes like this:

 

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

 

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

 

How about achieving 103%?

 

What makes up 100% in life?

 

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

 

iF:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

 

Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

 

Then:

 

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =  98%

 

And

 

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 =  96%

 

But ,

 

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =  100%

 

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =  103%

 

And, look how far ass kissing will take you.

 

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7  = 118%

 

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that whileHardwork and Knowledge will get you close, and

 

Attitude will get you there. It’s the Bullshit and 

Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

 

Now you know why Politicians are where they are!

 

I’ve never seen a better explanation than this formula. .

 

spell check (humor)-Technology?

 

 

 From one of my golfing buddies ..

 Hi Jerry,

this is Tom next door.

I have a confession to make.

I’ve been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I cannot live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
 
 The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you’re
 not around.

In fact, probably more than you.
 I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that’s no excuse, I know.

The temptation was just too much.

 I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me.

It won’t happen again.

 Please suggest a fee for usage, and I’ll pay you.
 
 Regards, Jerry
 
 
 THE RESPONSE:
 
Jerry, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbor dead.

He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.
 He took out his phone where he saw he had a second message from his neighbor.
 
 THE SECOND MESSAGE:
 
 Hi Jerry,

 This is Tom next door again. Sorry about the typo on my last text.

 I expect you figured it out anyway, and that you noticed that darned
 Auto-Correct changed “wi-fi” to “wife” Technology hey?
 
Regards,

Tom

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garbowski.net

 

Six tiny stories-funny

{1} Once all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella.
That’s FAITH

 

{2} When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her.
That’s TRUST

 

{3} Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next morning but still we set the alarms to wake up.
That’s HOPE

 

{4} We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future.
That’s CONFIDENCE

 

{5} We see the world suffering, but still we get married and have children.
That’s LOVE

 

{6} On an old man’s shirt was written a sentence ‘I am not 91 years old … I am sweet 16 with 75 years’ experience.
That’s ATTITUDE

 

Have a good time and live your life like the six tiny stories !

 

May you always have love to share, health to spare & friends who care!

www.garbowski.net

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TO ALL INTELLIGENT FRIENDS:

I am showing this only to smart friends.

See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common?

1. Banana

2. Dresser

3. Grammar

4. Potato

5. Revive

6. Uneven

7. Assess

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ahhhhh, your peeking !! 🙁   go back and check the words again!!!!!!!

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Answer is below!

Answer:

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out? No? Then send this to more people and stump them as well. Then, you’ll feel better too.

www.garbowski.net

 

THE ROSS SISTERS-1944 (Amazing 3 Ladies)

This was in 1944

Once they  finish singing…OMG   !!!!!

The one picking up the apple  towards the end makes me hurt just  to  watch.

During the first 50 seconds, they are just  singing, but next, what they do next, is amazing…              watch, click on link below:

 https://ci3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/rz3ofdGMlQRZG2jHe_SZtlghqqEO_qlRZrKz7y4qdV7XeKghjD_fLy82bHW4Xa_JD_8nvGK_1K_AK0nJ1lp-EqVZbLa9Twiwun6439_zU85O_0b0FQ=s0-d-e1-ft#http://ia116.mycdn.me/getImage?photoId=534037273476&photoType=0

www.garbowski.net

 

The Guys’ Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ – funny


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

  Finally , the guys’ side of the story.

We always hear ” the rules”
From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered “1”
ON PURPOSE!

  1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports.. It’s like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
    And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

 See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria ‘s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the   other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, ju st do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

If you hide history it is doomed to repeat itself!

www.garbowski.net

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Kid’s sense- funny…

 Why it is tough to be a teacher of the young.  These are young ones who listen closely to how a question is presented and answer appropriately.  Sharp kids…………

Kids make a lot of sense  …

  • Out of the mouths of babes…..
  • Teacher:  How old is your father?
  • Kid:          He is 6 years.
  • Teacher:  What?  How is this possible?
  • Kid:          He became father only when I was born.
  • (Logic!!  Children are quick and always speak their minds.)

_____________________

  • TEACHER:  Maria, go to the map and find North America.
  • MARIA:        Here it is.
  • TEACHER:  Correct.  Now, Class, who discovered America?
  • CLASS:        Maria.

_____________________

  • TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
  • GLENN:       K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
  • TEACHER:  No, that’s wrong
  • GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
  • (I love this child.)

_____________________

  • TEACHER:  Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
  • DONALD:    H I J K L M N O.
  • TEACHER:  What are you talking about?
  • DONALD:    Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

______________________

  • TEACHER:  Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s.  Did you copy his?
  • CLYDE:        No, sir; It’s the same dog.
  • (I want to adopt this kid!!!)

___________________

  • TEACHER:  Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
  • HAROLD:    A teacher.

______________________________

SHARE THIS AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!

LAUGHTER  IS THE SOUL’S MEDICINE!!     WWW.GARBOWSKI.NET

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The Card Stacker

Don’t Sneeze Or Slam The Door ….

Have you ever seen “a house of cards” that didn’t collapse?
Well, here it is…

Bryan Berg is a professional “card stacker” who builds houses of cards on a very large scale.
Trained as an architect, Bryan Berg is the only known person to make living building structures with freestanding playing cards.

He uses no tape, glue, or tricks, and his method has been tested to support 660 lbs. Per square foot.

Berg has stacked cards for corporate special events, public relations campaigns, and science and children’s museums in many U.S. Cities, Canada, Europe and Asia.

Berg’s clients have included Walt Disney World, a Lexus commercial, Procter & Gamble, American major league baseball and hockey, and the San Francisco Opera among others.
He also participated in a music video by The Bravery, playing a lonely man who builds a fantasy world out of cards.

In 2004, Guinness created a record category for World’s Largest House of Freestanding Playing Cards to recognize a project Berg built for Walt Disney World, a replica of Cinderella’s Castle.

In 2010, the record was renewed by him using 4051 sets of cards, over 218,000 cards, and built in 44 days, a replica of the Venetian Macao.

 

isn’t beautiful?

come back to:    www.garbowski.net

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SCRABBLE WIZARD

 Someone out there
Must be “deadly” at Scrabble.

 

It’s going to be hard to top because
It fits to a “T”

 

PRESBYTERIAN : 
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

  

ASTRONOMER : 
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

  

DESPERATION :
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

  

THE EYES : 
When you rearrange the letters:   
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:   
HE BUGS GORE 

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters: 
HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY :
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

  

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:   
CASH LOST IN ME

  

ELECTION RESULTS :
When you rearrange the letters: 
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS : 
When you rearrange the letters: 
ALAS!  NO MORE Z’S

A DECIMAL POINT : 
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES : 
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO : 
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

The Villages Dating Ads…

 

 
Dating Ads for Seniors   found in a Florida Newspaper.


You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in ”The Villages” Florida newspaper.
( Who says seniors don’t have   
a sense of humor?)

FOXY LADY:  
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80’s, slim, 5’4′ (used to be 5’6′),
Searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
—————————————————-
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness,
fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
—————————————————-
SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and
meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together,
take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
—————————————————-
WINNING SMILE :
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser
to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
—————————————————-
BEATLES OR STONES ?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on
Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen,
let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
—————————————————-
MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads
together.
—————————————————-
My favorite

MINT CONDITION  :
Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair,
many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

garbowski.net

Something to ponder——-

This is USA oriented, but Canada & the rest will not be far behind. Whether  

these changes are good or bad depends in part on how we adapt to them. 

But, ready or not, here they come.

Maybe not in the seniors of today lifetimes but more likely in our children’s.


  1. The Post Office
    Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. Email, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills.

  1. The Cheque
    Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with cheque by 2018.  It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process checks.  Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the check.  This plays right into the death of the post office.  If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business.

  1. The Newspaper
    The younger generation simply doesn’t read the newspaper.  They certainly don’t subscribe to a daily delivered print edition.
    That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man.  As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it.  The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance.  They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone
    companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.


  1. The Book
    You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages  I said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes.  I wanted my hard copy CD.
    But I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music.  The same thing will happen with books.  You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy.  And the price is less than half that of a real book.  And think of the convenience!  Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can’t wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you’re holding a gadget instead of a book.


  1. The Land Line Telephone
    Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don’t need it anymore.  Most people keep it simply because they’ve always had it.  But you are paying double charges for that extra service.  All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes.


  1. Music
    This is one of the saddest parts of the change story.  The music industry is dying a slow death.  Not just because of illegal downloading.  It’s the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it.  Greed and corruption is the problem.  The record labels and the radio conglomerates are simply self-destructing.  Over 40% of the music purchased today is “catalogue items,” meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with.  Older established artists.  This is also true on the live concert circuit.
    To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, “Appetite for Self-Destruction” by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, “Before the Music Dies.”

  1. Television Revenues
To … the networks are down dramatically.  Not just because of the economy.  People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers.  And they’re playing games and doing lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV.  Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator.  Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30
seconds.  I say good riddance to most of it.  It’s time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery.  Let the people choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix.

  1. The “Things” That You Own
    Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future.  They may simply reside in “the cloud.”  Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents.  Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be.  But all of that is changing. 
Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest “cloud services.”  That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system.  So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet.  If you click an icon, it will open something in the
Internet cloud.  If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud.  And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider.  In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device.  That’s the good news.  But, will you actually own
any of this “stuff” or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big “Poof?”  Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical?  It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a
book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert.

  1. Joined Handwriting (Cursive Writing)
    Already gone in some schools who no longer teach “joined handwriting”
    because nearly everything is done now on computers or keyboards of some type (pun not intended).

  1. Privacy
If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy.  That’s gone.  It’s been gone for a long time anyway.  There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone.
But you can be sure that 24/7, “They” know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View.  If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits.
“They” will try to get you to buy something else.  Again and again and again.

 

All we will have left is that which can’t be changed…….are our “Memories”.

And some of us have already lost that!!!!

garbowski.net

Will Rogers Sayings

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot Wiley Post, was one of the greatest political country/cowboy sages this country has ever known. Some of his sayings:

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman, … Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men:

The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

11. Lettin’ the cat outta’ the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER…

First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.

And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.

 

garbowski.net

Happy Story for the day‏

Look carefully in each picture for the cat as it makes its way down from the roof to the dog. Then, check the explanation at the end.
 
 
 
The story behind this picture is this:
Every day – at the same time – she waits for him.
Sometimes she barks to call him.
He comes; they rub and greet each other
and they go for a walk.
They have done this for 5 years
and no, they don’t belong to the same owners.
The owners didn’t know until neighbors, seeing them together so frequently,
commented to the cat’s owner, who then followed the dog home and discovered it was a distance away, not in a house close by or next door.
How it started no one knows.
Wouldn’t it be great to have friends like this
always there, no words needed, they just intuitively recognize the value of each other in their lives and act accordingly.
Live, Laugh, Love.
Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is.
The way we cope with it is what makes the difference.
 A wise person once said ….There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it.
 
You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good.
 
So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don’t.
 
Life is too short to be anything but happy.
 
Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

 

 

If  you have not read it already!!  If you have read it again it is still great, have a wonderful blessed day!

Description: Description: 777

Written by a 90 year old

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it..

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6.. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don’t worry, God never blinks.

16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19.. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow..

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Friends are the family that we choose.

Southern Life

 

 Florida

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the
dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the
wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

“Amazing,”
he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights
flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then
120.  Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and
pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the
Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.  Today is Friday.  If you can give me a new reason for speeding – a reason I’ve never before heard – I’ll let you go..”

The old gentleman paused then said, “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper.  I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.

Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of
Georgia and I need some help.  If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%,
how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”

Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ..”

When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his
buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”

Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”

The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”

North
Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road,
and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned
around and went back.  He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.”

The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”

The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked,
“Got any ID?”

The driver replied, “Bout whut?”

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch?
Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”

“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For
Dumping Garbage.’”


Y’all kin say
whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North.

The wrench guy

BEAUTIFUL WORLD, DOCUMENTARY, INSPIRATIONAL, INTERESTING facts, SMILE, LAUGH & ENJOY DAY, TALENTED PEOPLE, UNUSUAL PHOTOS

This is amazing !!! Talent is found in the most unexpected situations.

The wrench guy
Where in the world does he get all those wrenches? This guy must go to every garage sale in the country. Retired Helicopter Mechanic? The wrench guy.. I’d hate to be in his backyard during a lighting storm… How cool is this guy? He lives near Boort Victoria , and does it all by himself from a wheel chair… So, Don’t ever be afraid to follow your dreams.
Here is what he starts with…………………….  IMGP2516  This is who he is………………………………………………
IMGP2517  ….And here is what he makes out of those old wrenches……………………….
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Amazing, isn’t it????

7 degrees of blonde‏

SMILE, LAUGH & ENJOY DAY

 FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said ‘How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!’ and hung up.

 

The husband said, ‘Who was that?’

 

The wife answered, ‘I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.’

 

SECOND DEGREE

 

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirrorand says, ‘Hmm, this person looks familiar.’

 

The second blonde says, ‘Here, let me see!’

 

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

 

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, ‘You dummy, it’s me!’

 

THIRD DEGREE

 

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

 

The boyfriend yells, ‘No, honey, don’t do it!!!’

 

The blonde replies, ‘Shut up, you’re next!’

 

FOURTH DEGREE

 

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

 

She proudly says, ‘Go ahead, ask me, … I know ’em all.’

 

A friend says, ‘OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?’

 

The blonde replies,’Oh, that’s easy .. it’s W.’

 

FIFTH DEGREE

 

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

 

A: ‘Is it mine?’

 

SIXTH DEGREE

 

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

 

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, ‘That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.’

 

SEVENTH DEGREE

 

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

 

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, ‘I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!’