Monthly Archives: September 2013

AN ITALIAN BOY’S CONFESSION-joke…

SMILE, LAUGH & ENJOY DAY
 
 

‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

I have beenwith a loose girl’.The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?’

 
‘Yes, Father, it is.’‘And who was the girl you were with?’

‘I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation’.

Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?’

 
‘I cannot say.’‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?’

 
‘I’ll never tell.’‘Was it Nina Capelli?’

 
‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’‘Was it Cathy Piriano?’

 
‘My lips are sealed.’‘Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?’

 
‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’The priest sighs in frustration. ‘You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone.

You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.’Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Mike Meyers slides over and whispers, ‘What’d you get?’

‘Four month’s vacation and five good leads.’

Neat Stuff you need to know?

These are really good. Stuff you didn’t know you didn’t know!

Men can read smaller 
print than women can; women can hear better. 
———— Coca-Cola was originally green.
———— 
It is impossible to lick 
your elbow. 
———
The State with the 
highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
———— 
The percentage of 
Africa that is wilderness: 28% 
(now get this…)
———— 
The percentage of 
North America that is wilderness: 38% 
———— 
The cost of raising 
a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: 



$ 16,400

———— 
The average number 
of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000
————
Intelligent people 
have more zinc and copper in their hair..
———— 
The first novel ever 
written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
———— 
The San Francisco 
Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
———— 
Each king in a deck 
of playing cards represents a great king from history: 

Spades – King David 

Hearts – Charlemagne 

Clubs -Alexander, the Great 

Diamonds – Julius Caesar
————
111,111,111 x 
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
———— 
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse 
has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. 
If the horse has one front leg in the air, 
the person died because of wounds received in battle. 
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes 
———— 
Only two people 
signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson.Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later. 
———— 
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace 
———— 
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? 

A. 
Obsession
———— 
Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter ‘A’? 

A. One thousand
———— 
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common? 

A. All were invented 
by women.
———— 
Q. What is the only 
food that doesn’t spoil? A. Honey
———— 
Q. Which day are there more collect calls

 than any other day of the year?A. Father’s Day
———— 
In Shakespeare’s time,

 mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. 
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, 
making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the 
phrase…’Goodnight , sleep tight’ 
———— 
It was the accepted 
practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his new son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. 
———— 
In English pubs, ale 
is ordered by pints and quarts… So in old England , when 
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them ‘Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.’ . . . 

It’s where we get 
the phrase ‘mind your P’s and Q’s’
———— 
Many years ago in 
England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups.When they needed a refill ,

they used the whistle to get some service.
‘Wet your whistle’ is the phrase inspired by this practice. 
———— 
At least 75% of 
people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
———— 
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2014 when… 1. You accidentally 
enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven’t 
played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers

 to reach your family of three.4. You e-mail the person who

 works at the desk next to you.5. Your reason for not staying in touch

 with friends and family is that they 
don’t have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your

 cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries…7. Every commercial on television

 has a Web site at the bottom of the screen 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone,


which you didn’t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life,

is now a cause for panic and
you turn around to go and get it !
Scary isn’t it? J10. You get up in the morning and go on-line

 before getting your coffee11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. 🙂 

12 You’re reading this and

 nodding and laughing.13. Even worse, you know exactly

 to whom you are going to forward this message.14. You are too busy 
to notice there was no #9 on this list. 

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list

.~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

NOW you’re LAUGHING at yourself!

 Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves,

for they shall never cease to be amused!”
(Unknown Author)
———— 
Go on, share this with
your friends. You know you want to!
And try to lick your elbow again
garbowski.net

Do elephants remember?-not too funny…

 What an amazing story

In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Joe worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to Joe, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Joe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Joe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Thirty years later, in 2002, Joe was walking through the Tulsa Zoo with his family. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Joe and his family were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Joe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1972, Joe could not help wondering if this was the same elephant… Joe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Joe’s legs and slammed him against the railing killing him instantly.

—–Probably wasn’t the same        elephant.—–
garbowski.net

 
Volkswagen only sold two Beetle’s here in America in 1949
Q: Who opened the first drive-in gas station?

A: Gulf opened up the first station in Pittsburgh in 1913.
Q: What city was the first to use parking meters?

A: Oklahoma City , on July 16, 1935.
 
Q: Where was the first drive-in restaurant?

A: Royce Hailey’s Pig Stand opened in Dallas in 1921.
 
Q: True or False?
The 1953 Corvette came in white, red and black.

A: False. The 1953 ‘Vetted’ were available in one color, Polo White.
 
Q: What was Ford’s answer to the Chevy Corvette, and
other legal street racers of the 1960’s?

A: Carroll Shelby’s Mustang GT350.
Q: What was the first car fitted with an alternator,
rather than a direct current dynamo?

A: The 1960 Plymouth Valiant.
Q: What car first referred to itself as a convertible?

A: The 1904 Thomas Flyer, which had a removable hard top.
 
Q: What car was the first to have its radio antenna
embedded in the windshield?

A: The 1969 Pontiac Grand Prix.
Q: What car used the first successful series-production
hydraulic valve lifters?

A: The 1930 Cadillac 452, the first production V16.
Q: Where was the World’s first three-color traffic lights installed?

A:
Detroit, Michigan in 1919.
Two years later they experimented with synchronized lights.
Q: What type of car had the distinction of being GM’s
100 millionth car built in the U.S.?


A: March 16, 1966 saw an Olds Tornado roll out of
Lansing, Michigan with that honor.
Q: Where was the first drive-in movie theater opened, and when?

A: Camden, NJ in 1933.
 
Q: What autos were the first to use a standardized
production key-start system?

A: The 1949 Chryslers.
Q: What did the Olds designation 4-4-2 stand for?

A: 4 barrel carburetor, 4 speed transmission, and dual exhaust.
Q: What car was the first to place the horn button
in the center of the steering wheel?

A: The 1915 Scripps-Booth Model C.
The car also was the first with electric door latches.
Q: What
U.S. production car has the quickest 0-60 mph time?

A: The 1962 Chevrolet Impala SS 409. Did it in 4.0 seconds.
Q: What’s the only car to appear simultaneously on
the covers of Time and Newsweek?

A: The Mustang.
Q: What was the lowest priced mass produced American car?

A: The 1925 Ford Model T Runabout. Cost $260, $5 less than 1924.
Q: What is the fastest internal-combustion American production car?

A: The 1998 Dodge Viper GETS-R, tested by Motor Trend
magazine at 192.6 mph.
Q: What automaker’s first logo incorporated the Star of David?

A: The Dodge Brothers.
Q: Who wrote to Henry Ford, “I have drove fords exclusively
when I could get away with one. It has got every other car
skinned, and even if my business hasn’t been strictly legal
it don’t hurt anything to tell you what a fine car you got in
the V-8″?

A:
Clyde Barrow (of Bonnie and Clyde) in 1934.
Q: What was the first car to use power operated seats?

A: They were first used on the 1947 Packard line.
Q: Which of the Chrysler “letter cars” sold the fewest amount?

A: Only 400, 1963, 300J’s were sold
(they skipped “I” because it looked like a number 1).
Q: What car delivered the first production V12 engine?

A: The cylinder wars were kicked off in 1915 after Packard’s chief
engineer, Col. Jesse Vincent, introduced its Twin-Sis.
Q: When were seat belts first fitted to a motor vehicle?

A: In 1902, in a Baker Electric streamliner racer
which crashed at 100 mph on Staten Island.

Q: Which car company started out German,
yet became French after WWI?

A: Bugati, founded in Molsheim in 1909,
became French when Alsace returned to French rule.
Q: In what model year did Cadillac introduce the first
electric sunroof?

A: 1969
 
Q: What U.S. production car had the largest 4 cylinder engine?

A: The 1907 Thomas sported a 571 cu.in. (9.2liter) engine.
 
Q: What car was reportedly designed on the back of a Northwest
Airlines airsickness bag and released on April Fool’s Day, 1970?

A: 1970 Gremlin, (AMC)
Q: What is the Spirit of Ecstasy?

A: The official name of the mascot of Rolls Royce,
she is the lady on top of their radiators.
Q: What was the inspiration for MG’s famed
octagon-shaped badge?

A: The shape of founder Cecil Kimber’s dining table.
MG stands for ‘Morris Garages’.
only at garbowski.net

 

Pakistani Pile Driver

 

 

 


 

This is one way to keep construction costs down!

 

 
Pakistani Pile Driver
   
The recent, horrible and tragic building collapses in South Asia have already resulted in the adoption of new building construction standards and practices … in a regulatory effort to ensure this type of disaster never again occurs.
 
Only a month after more than 1,100 Bangladeshi garment workers lost their lives in the collapse of a badly-built and poorly-maintained eight – story building, the new building code has – thankfully – gone into force … and its rigid practices are already being applied by highly-skilled and properly-trained construction teams labouring on job-sites all across the sub-continent.
 
Especially for those of you with some construction work in your background I give you this  (CLICK BELOW)
 
https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/cFb0nLCKypg?rel=0
 

The foreman is the guy on the tambourine.

 

A bit of US history
Kilroy was from our generation, but I wasn’t aware of this story….Interesting.   

He is engraved in stone in the National War Memorial in Washington, DC- back in a small alcove where very few people have seen it. For the WWII generation, this will bring back memories. For you younger folks, it’s a bit of trivia that is a part of our American history. Anyone born in 1913 to about 1950, is familiar with Kilroy. No one knew why he was so well known- but everybody seemed to get into it.
So who was Kilroy?
In 1946 the American Transit Association, through its radio program, “Speak to America,” sponsored a nationwide contest to find the real Kilroy, offering a prize of a real trolley car to the person who could prove himself to be the genuine article. Almost 40 men stepped forward to make that claim, but only James Kilroy from Halifax, Massachusetts, had evidence of his identity.

‘Kilroy’ was a 46-year old shipyard worker during the war who worked as a checker at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy. His job was to go around and check on the number of rivets completed. Riveters were on piecework and got paid by the rivet. He would count a block of rivets and put a check mark in semi-waxed lumber chalk, so the rivets wouldn’t be counted twice. When Kilroy went off duty, the riveters would erase the mark.
Later on, an off-shift inspector would come through and count the rivets a second time, resulting in double pay for the riveters.

One day Kilroy’s boss called him into his office. The foreman was upset about all the wages being paid to riveters, and asked him to investigate. It was then he realized what had been going on. The tight spaces he had to crawl in to check the rivets didn’t lend themselves to lugging around a paint can and brush, so Kilroy decided to stick with the waxy chalk. He continued to put his check mark on each job he inspected, but added ‘KILROY WAS HERE’ in king-sized letters next to the check, and eventually added the sketch of the chap with the long nose peering over the fence and that became part of the Kilroy message.

Once he did that, the riveters stopped trying to wipe away his marks. Ordinarily the rivets and chalk marks would have been covered up with paint. With the war on, however, ships were leaving the Quincy Yard so fast that there wasn’t time to paint them. As a result, Kilroy’s inspection “trademark” was seen by thousands of servicemen who boarded the troopships the yard produced.

His message apparently rang a bell with the servicemen, because they picked it up and spread it all over Europe and the South Pacific.

Before war’s end, “Kilroy” had been here, there, and everywhere on the long hauls to Berlin and Tokyo. To the troops outbound in those ships, however, he was a complete mystery; all they knew for sure was that someone named Kilroy had “been there first.” As a joke, U.S. servicemen began placing the graffiti wherever they landed, claiming it was already there when they arrived.

Kilroy became the U.S. Super-GI who had always “already been” wherever GIs went. It became a challenge to place the logo in the most unlikely places imaginable (it is said to be atop Mt. Everest, the Statue of Liberty, the underside of the Arc de Triomphe, and even scrawled in the dust on the moon.

As the war went on, the legend grew. Underwater demolition teams routinely sneaked ashore on Japanese-held islands in the Pacific to map the terrain for coming invasions by U.S. troops (and thus, presumably, were the first GI’s there). On one occasion, however, they reported seeing enemy troops painting over the Kilroy logo!

In 1945, an outhouse was built for the exclusive use of Roosevelt, Stalin, and Churchill at the Potsdam conference. Its’ first occupant was Stalin, who emerged and asked his aide (in Russian), “Who is Kilroy?”

To help prove his authenticity in 1946, James Kilroy brought along officials from the shipyard and some of the riveters. He won the trolley car, which he gave to his nine children as a Christmas gift and set it up as a playhouse in the Kilroy yard in Halifax, Massachusetts.

And The Tradition Continues…

EVEN Outside Osama Bin Laden’s House!!!


Share This Bit
Of Historic Humor

With All Your Friends! 🙂 

 garbowski.net

cowboy boots

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
 
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”
 
Margaret looked him over. “Nope.”
 
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
 
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”
 
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”
 
Furious, Bert yelled, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?”
 
“Nope. Not a clue”, she replied.
 
“IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS !!!!”

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.”
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“Good  friends are like quilts-they age with you, yet never  lose  their warmth.”
    I  have seen too many dear friends leave this world, to soon before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
   Whose  business is it,  if I choose to read,  or play on the  computer until  4 AM, or sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to  those wonderful  tunes of the 50s, 60s & 70s, and if I,  at the  same  time,wish  to weep over a lost love, I will.
   I  will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a  bulging  body,  and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose   to,
 despite  the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will  get  old.
   I  know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life   is just as  well forgotten. And, eventually,  I remember the important  things.
   Sure,  over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your  heart  not break,  when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or   even when  somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car?   But broken  hearts  are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion.

A   heart never  broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know  the joy  of being  imperfect.
   I  am so  blessed to have lived long enough to have my  hair  turning

gray,  and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into  deep grooves  on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many  have  died before  their hair could turn silver.
   As  you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less  about what  other people think.  I don’t question myself  anymore.   I’ve even earned  the right to be wrong.
   So,  to answer a question,  I like being old.  It has set me  free.  I like  the person I have become. I am not going to live forever,   but while  I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what  could  have been,  or worrying about what will be.
And I shall eat dessert   every single  day (if I feel like it).
   MAY  OUR  FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN  IT’S  STRAIGHT
 FROM  THE  HEART!

   Inline image 1

IN CASE YOU DIDN’T ALREADY KNOW THIS LITTLE TIDBIT OF TRIVIA.

      ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL
      ARMSTRONG  WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.       HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON,
      “THAT’S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND,”
      WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.

      BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC
      REMARK – “GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY”.

      MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME
      RIVAL  SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN
      Or AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS .

      OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE -‘GOOD LUCK, MR.           GORSKY’ STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY , FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS   FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD  QUESTION ABOUT Mr. Gorsky TO ARMSTRONG. THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.
 

 

HERE IS THE ANSWER TO “WHO WAS MR GORSKY”:IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN , HE WAS
PLAYING  BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD.    HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR’S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW.    HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY. AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE  BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY,
“SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU’LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE
MOON!”

garbowski.net

 

Man invents machine to convert plastic into oil…

Has English sub titles so you don’t need sound, however even though you don’t understand him speaking his voice carries a “feeling” of honesty and sincerity.

 
Why is this not being used everywhere?

Amazing information about a marvelous break-through in technology!!!

Why aren’t we doing this now????!

Another example of Japanese ingenuity and perseverance!

Click to view (with English subtitles):
http://www.youtube.com/embed/qGGabrorRS8?rel=0

The drunk and the Priest-funny…

SMILE, LAUGH & ENJOY DAY

Laughter is good for the soul

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.

The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a
half-empty bottle of whiskey was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,”Say Father,
what causes arthritis?”

The priest replies, “My son, it’s caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow
man,sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.”

The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I’ll be.” Then returned to his
paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long
have you had arthritis?”

The drunk answered, “I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that
the Pope does.”

woman goes to heaven – funny…

SMILE, LAUGH & ENJOY DAY

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
 
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?”
 
God said, “No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
 
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
 
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
 
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
 
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”
 
God replied: “Geez! I didn’t recognize you.”
garbowski.net