Monthly Archives: October 2017

The Bridge-laugh today

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, ‘because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.’
The biker pulled over and said, ‘Build a bridge to Hawaii  so I can ride over anytime I want.’
God replied, ‘Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!  I can do it, 
but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.  

Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.’

The biker thought about it for a longtime.  Finally, he said, ‘God, I wish that I , and all men,  could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.’

God replied: ‘You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

garbowski.net

 


Nice Car

The proud owner of a magnificent 1956 Chevrolet convertible, wrote to say he had restored the car to perfection over the last few years, and sent this:

On a very warm summer afternoon he decided to take his car to town.  It needed gas, as the gauge was practically on empty, but he wanted ice cream, so he headed first to his favorite ice cream shop.

He had trouble finding a parking space and had to park the car down a side street.

He noticed a group of young guys standing around smoking cigarettes and eyeing the car rather covetously.  He was a bit uneasy leaving it there, but people often take interest in such an old and well-preserved car, so he went off to enjoy his ice cream.

The line at the ice cream shop was long and it took him quite a while to return to his car.  When he did, his worst fears were realized… his car was gone.

He called the police and reported the theft. 

About ten minutes later the police called him to say they had found the car abandoned near a gas station a few miles out of town.

It was unharmed and he was relieved.  It seems just before he called, the police had received a call from a young woman who was an employee at a self-service gas station.  She told them that three young men had driven in with this beautiful old convertible.  One of them came to the window and prepaid for 20 dollars worth of gas. 

Then all three of them walked around the car.  Then they all got in the car and drove off, without filling the tank.

 

The question is, why would anybody steal a car, pay for gas that they never pumped and then abandon the car later and walk away?

NO FAIR PEEKING ! !

IF YOU GIVE UP—-

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garbowski.net

 

 

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic.

 

This is a strictly …..  mathematical viewpoint… and it goes like this:

 

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

 

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

 

How about achieving 103%?

 

What makes up 100% in life?

 

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

 

iF:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

 

Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

 

Then:

 

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =  98%

 

And

 

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 =  96%

 

But ,

 

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =  100%

 

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =  103%

 

And, look how far ass kissing will take you.

 

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7  = 118%

 

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that whileHardwork and Knowledge will get you close, and

 

Attitude will get you there. It’s the Bullshit and 

Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

 

Now you know why Politicians are where they are!

 

I’ve never seen a better explanation than this formula. .